James Comey Said Exactly What You Wanted Him to Say

As you may have heard, earlier today, Trump's special guy he has that thing with sat before the Senate to answer questions about his brief tenure working with the Trump administration. Incredibly, former FBI director James Comey both officially cleared Trump's name and absolutely guaranteed he wouldn't last a year in office. At least, that's what Twitter would have you believe.

How is that possible? Because at this point, just five months into the Trump presidency, absolutely everyone has lost their mind.

For instance, James Comey—even as a private citizen—likely won't comment on an ongoing investigation as a matter of course. In the absence of any answer at all, every answer becomes possible. Which means those on the left get to fulfill their fantasies...

...while those on the right get to do the same.

As society grasps for some semblance of meaning in the nightmare that has become daily life, people recede further into their separate corners and create two wholly different versions of reality. Today's hearing was perhaps the best example yet. Here, we've collected reactions to its most notable moments. You're guaranteed to hate half of them.

Opening Statements

Trump Off/On the Hook

James Comey, Leaker

Marco Rubio, Trump Champion

Trump "Hopes" the Flynn Investigation Goes Away

Of course, there's an exception to every rule. And today, that exception was named John McCain.

Common Ground

Maybe we're not so different after all.