Socialism schmocialism—I've never minded redistributing a bit of wealth to help a creator realize their dreams (or cover a few medical bills). I'm Angry Nerd, not Scroogey Nerd. But backing a project on Kickstarter these days? RIP my inbox: Hey, we just added a new stretch goal! Hey, if you upgrade your pledge, we'll be so close to unlocking another pledge goal! Hey, we added a one-of-a-kind macaroni art pledge tier for just $100 more! How much is the stretch goal for cutting the crap and finishing the damn job? Even when the fund-raising's done, the alerts linger, like a clingy friend at night's never-ending end. Oh, here's another piece of art. Oh, we just got the color separations. Oh, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, dear backer. Well, I'm thinking of you too, dear creator—increasingly murderous thoughts. And don't tell me to unsubscribe from emails, because then I'd miss your apology that the project is once again, gosh oops, delayed. Go eat an upcycled ebike. OK, fine, I know you're not entirely to blame. Kickstarter is the infrastructure; it feeds you these cutesy prompts. Your problem is that you conform to the corporate image, thereby destroying the intimate illusion of crowdfunding. Why, dear creator, why? I already believe in you. Your idea is so delightful, so ingenious, I want to give you money I don't even have. What I don't want in return is updates qua upselling written in nagging millennialese cluttering up my crushingly overnotified life. So for now, unless you're Kickstarting a promise to stop bugging me—or the end of capitalism—hey, I'm not interested.
This article appears in the June issue. Subscribe now.
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