Spending all of your time on the internet has the odd side effect of creating entire communities centered around things that no one ever discusses with their mouths. And those things, friends, are dank memes. When was the last time you had a verbal conversation about sliding into someone's DMs? Have you ever actually tried speaking in doge? (Also, remember doge?) That's why Halloween—one of the goofiest holidays of the year, and one of the most fantastic—is such a good opportunity for exploring the IRL potential of your favorite memes. Halloween is the one night of the year that we get to step out from behind our computers (or our phones) and really become the things that fascinate us, which is why we've put together this handy guide. Here, for your perusal, are several of the hottest memes of the moment, and ways you can cloak yourself in physical analogues of their digital goodness before it's time to go out this Saturday.
"Hotline Bling" Supercut
The actual "Hotline Bling" costumes might be tough to pull off if you can't afford a ridiculously expensive Moncler jacket, so your best bet is to go as meta as possible and combine all of the "Hotline Bling" meme greatest hits. Grab a lightsaber, a tennis racket, a Pokemon hat, a speaker playing one of the songs from High School Musical, and bingo: you're the 6 God himself, enjoying some alone time in a tiny art installation!
"What Are THOSE?"
Tape several pairs of shoes to yourself (preferably ugly ones). Scream "What are THOOOOOOOSE?" at friends, passersby, and if at all possible, Michael Jordan.
Jeb Bush in a Hoodie
The perfect costume for shapeless, vaguely politically aware white dudes, this one merely requires that you find a dorky pair of glasses, a blue zip-up hoodie, and a blue checked button-down to wear under it. Bonus points if you 1) tape an orange thumbtack to the hoodie and 2) keep it perpetually pulled over half your body, as if you're unaware how to exist as a person several decades into life on this planet.
Pizza Rat
Here's the problem with the supposed "Pizza Rat" costumes that are making their way around the internet: the whole joke is that the piece of pizza is much larger than the rat. (Also, Pizza Rat is over, but we can ignore that for now.) What you really need to do is strap several slices of pizza to your body (or just get a separate pizza costume), then find a stuffed mouse to hide under your butt. Then, obviously, it's time to flee in shame at having chosen this costume.
Bryce Dallas Howard in Jurassic World
White dress; white high-heeled shoes; immaculately coiffed bob; single speck of mud on your cheek to show you've been running from a lethal superdino for miles.
The Dude From the "Why You Always Lyin'" Vine:
You must keep your shirt open. You must smile widely. You must yell "Mmmmmohmygod."
Enlightened Don Draper
Drunken finance bros, you're in luck. All you need are khakis, a white button-down, no shoes, and extremely well-done, slightly wind-swept hair. Sit in the middle of the street, drunk, whispering "Omm." Later, become a gazillionaire by using optimism to peddle high-fructose corn syrup.
Dadbod
Spend the rest of the week letting yourself go; come Saturday, pretend it's attractive. Maybe buy a pair of Crocs (please don't).
One-Size-Fits-All "Trash" Costume
Don several trash bags/actual items of garbage; when anyone asks what you are, loudly proclaim "Fantastic Four," "True Detective Season Two," or any other item of pop culture you did not care for this year.
